my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
