i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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