The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
