his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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