It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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