why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
my liver is dry heaving
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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