well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize