he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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