THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
