So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
