i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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