proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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