You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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