I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
