You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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