I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
the condom got lost in my hair
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
