At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize