I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize