You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
you inspire me to be a worse person
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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