I bet he comes in French.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
