I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I need to stop coming to work sober
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
not ubering you a puppy
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
