She is in my trunk
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
