Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
