Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
