As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
