wakey wakey hands off snakey
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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