some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
