In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
