I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
