WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
