just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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