Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
