THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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