I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
