I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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