Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Found your dick twin last night
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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