Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
The ass gains better be worth it
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