I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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