K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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