I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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