I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize