you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
