you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
