I just saw a hot homeless man
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
