He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize