did you get engaged???
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
