i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
not ubering you a puppy
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
