It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
