Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize