everyone is single if you try hard enough
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
