you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
