I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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