at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
