i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
