So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
