i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
