Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
