turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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