She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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