My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
