Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
She told me I should be a condom model.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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