if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize