I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
