You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize