Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
