Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
