plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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