Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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