she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
