i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
