my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
