i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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