I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
