make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
