Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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