she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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