i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
