I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
