i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Someone shattered a urinal.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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