maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
