You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
