My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
