peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
