Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
