I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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