What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
