peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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